Newsletter 

No.23                                                                                                                       June 2005

The Sacramental Dimension of Marriage

(An extract taken from a reflection page on the Conjugal, Social and religious significance of Marriage published by the Catholic Organization for Life and Family COLF).

A Sacrament is a Sign

The love between a man and a woman is a human sign of their emotion and will, of their understanding and memory. The original meaning of the word "sacrament" is "a sign". It takes shape in a vow, a solemn statement, a promise. In this sense, marriage is a natural sacrament, a sign of the reality of love in the human order. In fact, the Church recognizes that there exists in the human reality of sexual love the potential for the fullness of communion, as well as the potential for realizing the very love of God. The followers of Christ were anxious to connect the human reality of marriage with their faith. The natural sacrament of marriage reveals a supernatural meaning, one so great as to be beyond us: a call to experience love as he innermost vocation of all human beings. This is a great mystery, Eph. 5:32.

Since the Council of Trent in 1563, the Church has considered marriage a sacramental act: that is, a concrete sign of the advent of salvation through Jesus Christ and a source of sanctifying grace. In so doing, it recognizes the legal and moral aspects of marriage and reveals its religious meaning. It is universally accepted that marriage is an institution that legitimizes the union between a man and a woman who are open to children and willing to accept the responsibility of educating them. For Christians, marriage means two people entering a sacred history that began at baptism, and becoming a community of life and love, a sign of the love of Christ for his Church.

Profound love goes beyond mere sentimentality and reaches a high level of giving. "To love means to give and to receive something, which can be neither bought nor sold, but only given freely and mutually." (John Paul II.  Letter to Families, 1994, No. 11.)  Love is a gift from one person to another. Maturity arises from this offering of unselfish love. Each member of the couple is invited to become what God asks of him or her. One of the most beautiful fruits of the couple is that each one helps the other to become all that he or she can be.

"Mutual giving creates the communion of persons... (John Paull II.  A L’image de Dieu, homme et femme, Paris, Ed. Du Cerf, 1980, p. 142) which means to exist one for the other in a relationship based on natural gifts." (ibid.) "I give myself to you in order to love you… I accept you as my spouse, "  says one formula of consent. A gift is not a loan. Something loaned can be retrieved or returned, but a gift cannot.

The sacrament of marriage is fundamentally an experience of faith in the sense that it continually calls for trust and commitment. It is an experience of faith in oneself, an unconditional affirmation of one's original value and personal dignity. Faith in the other helps the spouses find themselves and give of themselves, at the same time as it calls on them to deny themselves. Faith in their relationship and in the sealed bond of their marriage is deeper than romantic feelings, deeper even than love, since love can suffer breakdowns. Faith in God sustains and supports those who draw on the source of all love. The husband and the wife are for each other and their children a sign of the love of the Lord.

Marriage is a sacramental covenant

The matrimonial bond establishes itself as part of a covenant, an unconditional promise between two persons and two wills. "Though the love of a man and a woman is marked by imperfection, it is always called upon to reveal in concrete terms that which Jesus revealed in full: the irrevocable love of God who has tied himself for all time to our humanity…. Married people take part in this mystery. They become its living signs." (Michel Fortin, Helen Lussier, Nicole Mazthjieu-Valade & Renaat Van Hove, Perspectives nouvells en pastorale du marriage,  Inter-diocesan workind document, 2000, p. 7) Thus, the sacrament of marriage signifies the union of Christ and the Church, Eph. 5:31-32. "It gives spouses the grace to love each other with the love with which Christ has loved his Church; the grace of the sacrament thus perfects the human love of the spouses, strengthens their indissoluble unity and sanctifies them on the way to eternal life." (Cathecism of the Catholic Church, no.1661).

Every sacrament gives a grace to support and assist persons according to their life experiences. The grace of the sacrament of marriage supports and strengthens the couple. It is not a magic wand that relieves spouses of their human condition, but instead helps them to view things differently and calls on them to surpass themselves. Perhaps the first grace of the sacrament is this change in perspective. The Spirit at the heart of the couple's communion, "the conjugal Spirit," revitalises them and renders the man the woman capable of the same love as that of Christ for humanity.

At the marriage celebration, the on who presides represents the entire Church community, but is not the one performing the marriage. The husband is the sacramental minister for his wife, and the wife is the sacramental minister for her husband. To be considered valid, however, a marriage must meet three criteria: no impediments may exist, ecclesiastical law must be observed, and consent must be given and received before the Church. The married couple, like the universal Church, constitutes a small Church whose mission is to express God in the world by offering it true love.

Questions for reflection and discussion

· In what ways are married couples a "sign"?
· What graces or gifts does the sacrament of marriage give spouses, the family and the community?
· What is sacramental love?
· Does the sacramental meaning of love take away anything from romantic love?
· As a married couple are we still living the sacramental sign of our marriage?

Correction: Kindly note that the article "Colours of Infinity" which appeared in the last edition of the newsletter was written by Fr. Mario Farrugia SJ and not Fr. Vince Magri as reported. We excuse ourselves for the mistake. 

A Treasured Friend

1. One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives. Euripides, Orestes.

2. One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible. Henry Adams.

3. The only way to be a friend is to be one. Emerson "Friendship" Essays: First Series.

4. Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you. Elbert Hubbard "The Note Book".

5. A new friend is like new wine; when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure. Ecclesiasticus.

6. Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow-ripening fruit.Aristotle Nicomachean Ethics.

7. Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends. Euripides, Hecuba.
   

Book Review:

Restless Hearts - finding our spiritual home in times of loneliness

by 

Ronald Rolheiser 

Publishing House: Doubleday 2004

ISBN No: 0-385-49418-1

Ronald Rolheiser is well known for his book The Holy Longing (Doubleday, 1998). In an articulate and profound manner, he paints a clear portrait of what he sees as Christian spirituality. In fact, this book is seldom on my bookshelves and usually I have to keep track to who was my last borrower! Thus, with this experience, I was very keen to read Restless Hearts where in the title it promises to deal with loneliness. 

The author lived up to my expectations - penned in his simple and clear style, he first gives a broad picture of this ubiquitous human situation. When one is in touch with various people, one realizes how many feel lonely for the simple fact that in our busy-ness, there seems to be no time to really listen to each other - let alone to share deeply with one another. Furthermore, a certain restlessness in our youth which as we grow older would translate itself into subtle dissatisfaction is part of our human make-up. There is always this something more that we always look forward to. 

Rolheiser makes a historical journey in trying to understand this human phenomenon by delving into Scriptures: both the Old and New Testaments and what solutions in various times, people offered to our state of loneliness. Throughout the history of Christianity this innate part of human nature was also addressed and so Rolheiser highlights the reflections of four eminent theologians, spanning across these two millennia. However, this is not just a synthetic approach of what others said; the final part is dedicated to how we can make this loneliness work for us since if not listened to, it can drive one to self-destruction.

What was very surprising for me was that on discovering the book, I had thought that it is Rolheiser's latest book. However in the preface, the author explains that in fact he wrote it when he was barely thirty years old and written on his own personal experience. I must confess that I was more touched by his maturity and courage to deal so frankly yet delicately on human vulnerability.

Ms Louise Laferla

Ronald Rolheiser O.M.I. is a specialist in the fields of spirituality and systematic theology. He is also a columnist with the Catholic Herald and author of various books including Forgotten Among the Lilies, The Shattered Lantern and An Infinite Horizon. 

 Letter from a Friend

I am writing to say how much I care for you and to say how much I want you to know me better.

When you awoke this morning I exploded a brilliant sunrise through your window hoping to get your attention, but you rushed off without even noticing.

Later, I noticed you were walking with some friends, so I bathed you in warm sunshine and perfumed the air with nature's sweet scent, and still you didn't notice me. As you passed by, I shouted to you in thunderstorm and painted a beautiful rainbow in the sky and you didn't even look.

In the evening, I spilled moonlight onto your face and sent a cool breeze to rest you. As you slept, I watched over you and shared your thoughts, but you were unaware that I was so near.

I have chosen you and hope you will talk to me soon. Until then I will remain near. I am your friend and love you very much.

You're Friend,

Jesus 

author unknown

We would like to remind you that the Centre for Ignatian Spirituality offers personal spiritual direction to all those who would like to have any kind of spiritual experience like Ignatian retreats in every day life. Retreats can be tailored according to the needs and circumstances of the retreatant. CIS can call on experienced Jesuits, other religious and trained lay people to accompany retreatants through these experiences. 

Anyone interested can contact the Director on 21344349 or 99864561 or email vince@maltajesuitretreats.com.